Monday 17 October 2011

Marital Harmony

Elvis Presley once sang this line of a beautiful love song : "Wise men say, only fools rushing." So, to all the "fools" who rush in and fall in love and get married, I would like to share with you the W-I-S-D-O-M of married life. Here goes...

'W' is for working out
One should always make an effort to preserve one's marriage. Divorce should never even cross your mind. Delete this mentality of 'Oh, I can always get a divorce if things don't work out'. We must tell ourselves to work it out and make it happen.

Divorce should only be the last resort. It is like a U-turn when you meet a dead end. If you have not come to a dead end, try to move ahead and not do a U-turn. You may eventually get your destination.
The least you could do is try. Divorce is not a wise solution is most cases. Often time, it is only the convenient way out.

'I' is for in-laws
Your relationship with your in-laws must be conducive or else thins would not work. After all, we should be thankful for their existence because they brought our other half into this world. We must admit that in-laws are integral part of a marriage constitution.

Let us all live in harmony. Do not put your spouse in a difficult situation where he has to make a choice between you or his parents. There is never a choice in the first place.

A wise woman will never woman will never ask a man whether he will save his wife or his mother if both fall into sea at the same time.

'S' is for self
We always forget to put emphasis on ourselves. Keep some time for yourself and your spouse should also do the same. During this 'me-time', do what you like which your other half may not be so enthusiastic about.

This way, you get a chance to recharge and do some soul-searching. Listen to the voices in your heart and do not lose yourself in the quest of trying to please everybody.

Be at peace with yourself and keep firm to guiding principles and beliefs. Only then will you be capable of thinking and making wise decisions.

'D' is for dumb and deaf
When an argument arises, it is wise to act dumb and to turn a deaf ear to whatever he says. After all, how many times have we actually regretted having said those mean words in the heat of an argument? Or wished we had kept our mouths shut and not retaliated on the spot?

Words that are not though over are best left unspoken. Better still, write down your feeling and email or SMS your post-argument thoughts to your spouse.

Writing them down will give you time to ponder and evaluate your innermost feelings. The receiver will also be able to read your thoughts in a more peaceful manner. A wise man treats an argument as a way to understand each other better. It is not a matter of winning or losing.

'O' is for observe
Observe what your spouse despises and avoid them. If your spouse does not like you pulling a long face, let him know what is bothering you rather than wait for him to make a guess. Learn to pick up the hints from his facial expressions and body language.

Always be wary of what you say and do and how it will affect others. Quarrels can be easily avoided once we are able to recognise the trigger points. Avoid triggering them for it is not wise to test one's patience.

On the other hand, observe what are the things that please him and use them as a positive approach to enhance your marriage.

If he likes a particular dish that your mum cooks, get the recipe from her and learn to cook the dish to perfection. It is a small heartwarming gesture to show that you actually care and take notice of his likings.

'M' is for mediate
Sort out any disagreements, talk it out and find an amicable solution. Do not ignore the disgruntlement and go to sleep with hatred in your heart. Eventually, the same issue will arise some other time and the same problem will crop up. Before you know it, trivial issues might blow up into bigger proportions.

You have a lifetime to spend with this person, yet life is too short to be wasted on unconstructive arguments. There are other better things in life to be shared and enjoyed.

Save Your Marriage And Avoid Divorce

7 comments:

  1. I've heard from a lot of friends that going in for some couples counseling before the big day can really help put things in perspective and lead to better expectations. I wish that I would have done that before I was married, it would have been a nice advantage.

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