Marital Harmony

Elvis Presley once sang this line of a beautiful love song : "Wise men say, only fools rushing." So, to all the "fools" who rush in and fall in love and get married, I would like to share with you the W-I-S-D-O-M of married life. Here goes...

'W' is for working out
One should always make an effort to preserve one's marriage. Divorce should never even cross your mind. Delete this mentality of 'Oh, I can always get a divorce if things don't work out'. We must tell ourselves to work it out and make it happen.

Divorce should only be the last resort. It is like a U-turn when you meet a dead end. If you have not come to a dead end, try to move ahead and not do a U-turn. You may eventually get your destination.
The least you could do is try. Divorce is not a wise solution is most cases. Often time, it is only the convenient way out.

'I' is for in-laws
Your relationship with your in-laws must be conducive or else thins would not work. After all, we should be thankful for their existence because they brought our other half into this world. We must admit that in-laws are integral part of a marriage constitution.

Let us all live in harmony. Do not put your spouse in a difficult situation where he has to make a choice between you or his parents. There is never a choice in the first place.

A wise woman will never woman will never ask a man whether he will save his wife or his mother if both fall into sea at the same time.

'S' is for self
We always forget to put emphasis on ourselves. Keep some time for yourself and your spouse should also do the same. During this 'me-time', do what you like which your other half may not be so enthusiastic about.

This way, you get a chance to recharge and do some soul-searching. Listen to the voices in your heart and do not lose yourself in the quest of trying to please everybody.

Be at peace with yourself and keep firm to guiding principles and beliefs. Only then will you be capable of thinking and making wise decisions.

'D' is for dumb and deaf
When an argument arises, it is wise to act dumb and to turn a deaf ear to whatever he says. After all, how many times have we actually regretted having said those mean words in the heat of an argument? Or wished we had kept our mouths shut and not retaliated on the spot?

Words that are not though over are best left unspoken. Better still, write down your feeling and email or SMS your post-argument thoughts to your spouse.

Writing them down will give you time to ponder and evaluate your innermost feelings. The receiver will also be able to read your thoughts in a more peaceful manner. A wise man treats an argument as a way to understand each other better. It is not a matter of winning or losing.

'O' is for observe
Observe what your spouse despises and avoid them. If your spouse does not like you pulling a long face, let him know what is bothering you rather than wait for him to make a guess. Learn to pick up the hints from his facial expressions and body language.

Always be wary of what you say and do and how it will affect others. Quarrels can be easily avoided once we are able to recognise the trigger points. Avoid triggering them for it is not wise to test one's patience.

On the other hand, observe what are the things that please him and use them as a positive approach to enhance your marriage.

If he likes a particular dish that your mum cooks, get the recipe from her and learn to cook the dish to perfection. It is a small heartwarming gesture to show that you actually care and take notice of his likings.

'M' is for mediate
Sort out any disagreements, talk it out and find an amicable solution. Do not ignore the disgruntlement and go to sleep with hatred in your heart. Eventually, the same issue will arise some other time and the same problem will crop up. Before you know it, trivial issues might blow up into bigger proportions.

You have a lifetime to spend with this person, yet life is too short to be wasted on unconstructive arguments. There are other better things in life to be shared and enjoyed.

Save Your Marriage And Avoid Divorce

Save Your Marriage

PEOPLE MARRY WHEN THEY FALL IN LOVE

Some issues to be discussed within the marriage are would be can your partner handle the problems that arises during marriage,would he or she be willing to get professional help when the going gets tough, as well as discussing infidelity, infertility, aging parents, job layoffs or unexpected illness or death, is he or she aware about the predictable stages that couples pass despite their deep love for each other, does he or she know that although marriage is the greatest institution established on earth, it is only for the strong-hearted and it only takes one partner to end a marriage and finally discuss with your spouse under what circumstances would he or she feels that the marriage can be considered as over.

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OR SIGNS OF IMPENDING MARITAL DISASTER?

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If your spouse loves you, they will honor your requests no matter how weird it may be. There are several signs of a marital break-up where a man will evidently notice but woman will know by their intuition most times. If your spouse has stopped not communicate with you then then is a sign that your marriage is on the rocks. Your spouse might be upset with you over something else that occurred earlier that day and your spouse might be showing their unhappiness through petty squabbles or sour remarks. You have to show that you are on your spouses side and that you care when they are in a bad mood. If your spouse stays on one side of the bed while sleeping and intimacy has become a forgotten item on your agenda then this is a red big flag that your marriage is falling apart. There are many possible reasons why your spouse is avoiding you and some of those reason could be that your spouse might be having problems at work, your spouse maybe financially stressed out or your spouse might be going through some personal issues and if one of these reasons are the cause of the distance between you to, the best thing for you to do is to let him know that you are there to listen and to give him love and support.

WHAT WILL YOU TO DO WHEN YOU ARE AT THE BRINK OF MARRIAGE?

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Accepting that your marriage is on the brink could influence the future outcome between divorce and a happy union. When you are enrage, you become off balance, and could soon recover your balance. Books aplenty are sold in your favorite bookstores. Your negative reaction is a one way ticket toward a divorce.

WHAT ARE COMMON EMOTIONS FELT WHEN THERE IS MARITAL CRISIS?

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What are some damaging myths about saving a marriage?

Myth 1. Pessimism is the feeling that there is no solution available and even marriage counselors cannot help. You should improve your communications skills to keep your marriage. It is the end of happiness, ones' family and security of a home.

HOW DO I SAVE MY MARRIAGE AFTER MY HUSBAND COMMITTED INFIDELITY?

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Tell him to give you space and enough time to think things out. Talk to your friends, support group and others acquaintances that might be knowledgeable about the affair.

WHAT ARE SOME HELPFUL GUIDELINES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE?

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Although money can't buy happiness, it is important. Refrain from being jealous. Let your spouse hold on to their dreams and give them 100 support to achieve her goals in life. Emotionally or physically abusing abuse a spouse will bring the day closer to disaster, when he/she will decide that enough is enough. Recall the memories of your courtship, relive the thrill and excitement you shared on your dates, the places you have visited and your honeymoon. Disillusionment grows when expectations are unfulfilled. Respect the privacy of your spouse.

HOW CAN YOU PRESERVE YOUR MARRIAGE?

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Don't use the children as an excuse to avoid each other. Strive to eat at least one meal a day together. When you appreciate yourself, the feeling will contaminate your husband and he will feel the same way too. Write each other love notes, reminders that you are in love, reconnect by emphasizing your spouse best qualities and remember these are the qualities which made you fall in love with him. By going on a date, there is no alternative than to dress up to show your spouse how attractive you still are. Plan activities that are only for the two of you. You can't save your marriage if your spouse does not cooperate.

CAN MARRIAGE BE SAVED?

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Having excellent marriage quality depends on being able to disagree without inflicting permanent damage upon the relationship. Do you want to be part of the statistics? It is never too late to change and decide to turn over a new leaf. According to statistics, there are 2 million divorces each year.

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SAVE MARRIAGE                             

IF THERE IS HOPE, THERE IS A WAY

SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE & AVOID DIVORCE

Save Marriage Advice

For many marriages in a crisis, one of the common patterns that likely contributed to the situation is that of not being able to handle conflict effectively. And that starts with being able to talk calmly. When it comes to save marriage advice, following is some excellent advice on how to have difficult conversations with your spouse without damaging your relationship in the process. Couples who get caught up in yelling, name calling, venting or verbally attacking each other inevitably wind up in divorce court.  Read further for ways to talk to each other without losing control.

Decide up front what you want to accomplish by talking. Do you just want to allow each person to express feelings? Do you want to come up with a solution? It helps to have a goal before you start when it is a difficult topic.

Avoid blame. Learning to not get caught up in blame is sound save marriage advice regardless of the situation.  Blame accomplishes nothing and is always destructive. Make steering clear of blame one of the rules for your conversations. 

Allow for time outs. When you are discussing painful or difficult topics, it is inevitable that someone’s is going to feel the need to react at some point. Rather than staying in the conversation until that happens, be willing to take a time out to cool down. And be willing to let your spouse do the same thing when needed. This will prevent the conversation from escalating into a full blown fight in which hurtful things end up being said. This is also very good save marriage advice to follow when emotions run high.

Don’t get caught up in being “right”. In many situations, neither person is right or wrong. But if one of you insists on being right, it will quickly turn into a futile conversation. 

Allow each other to speak without interrupting. When you interrupt someone who is talking, you are giving the message that what you have to say is far more important than whatever the other person is saying. A lot of people have this bad habit when they talk. And it is very disrespectful. It is very good save marriage advice to work towards really allowing each other to speak and be heard.  Catch yourself when you start to interrupt. With practice, this is a bad habit both of you can break. 

Accept that you won’t always agree on everything. This is definitely very wise save marriage advice! No two people in the world, no matter how much they love each other, are always going to agree. The sooner you can accept that in your marriage, the better all your conversations will be, especially the difficult ones. Also, it will show a lot of respect to your partner if you allow him or her to have an opinion that is different to yours. That is part of recognizing that he is a separate person with his own unique perspective.

The last piece of good save marriage advice for having difficult conversations is to avoid all-or-nothing types of statements. When you start using extreme words such as “never” or “always” you are just getting yourself into hot water. Catch yourself when you use one of the words and revise the statement.  You will save both yourself and your spouse a lot of grief when you remember that there is a lot in between those two extremes.

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Save Marriage from Divorce

Considering that the divorce rate has hovered at or above 50% for a long time now, it is worth putting some very serious thought into ways to save marriage from divorce.  Because the couples who fail to do this are the ones most likely to end up as a statistic.  If you want to be sure your marriage has the best chance of surviving and not ending up in divorce court, now is the time to pay attention.  Following are some very destructive behaviors which need to be avoided if you want to save marriage from divorce.

Keeping score

A marriage is meant to be a true partnership, not a competition in which one or both of you constantly keeps score of what your spouse does or doesn’t do for you.  While light-hearted, playful competition is fun, expecting your partner to give you something or do something for you in return for each nice thing you do for him is destructive to the relationship.  It creates a power struggle and is usually trying to control each other.  And it fosters resentment and mistrust; two things that definitely won’t help save marriage from divorce. 

For example, if a husband sacrifices a day of golf with his buddies to stay home and watch the children while his wife goes shopping, it looks like a kind deed on the surface.  However, there is nothing truly kind and giving about it if he holds it over her head as a “debt” when he wants something from her in the future.  To save marriage from divorce, doing things for each other must stem from love and caring, not from manipulation, agendas, or “debt”.  When that becomes the case, a marriage is in serious trouble. 

Nagging at your spouse

Sadly, we learn a lot of unhealthy behaviors from our parents.  If you grew up in a home in which one of your parents often nagged the other, you may find yourself doing the same thing to your spouse.  And I guarantee you your spouse does not like to be nagged.

Nagging is like water constantly dripping on a rock; over time it slowly wears it down.  The same thing happens in your marriage when you nag.  It slowly pushes your partner away, at least emotionally, creating a rift which can eventually become a chasm too large to repair.  If you are prone to nagging, work on stopping this behavior as soon possible to save marriage from divorce.  

Verbal abuse

Words can be extremely destructive, particularly in a marriage. If you are prone to losing your temper and saying ugly, hurtful or vicious things to your partner, you need to change this behavior immediately.  Verbal abuse will eventually take an emotional toll on your spouse.  While you may feel they are “just words” and forget that you even said them a day or two later, your spouse definitely will not forget. 

The sting of verbal abuse can go deep, and cruel words can be very difficult to forget for the person who is on the receiving end.  If you are having marriage problems and truly want to save marriage from divorce, verbal abuse of any kind must stop immediately. 
These are just a few of many things that can eventually tear a couple apart.  Each behavior is not only destructive, it is also incredibly disrespectful.  If you really want to have a happy, healthy marriage and save marriage from divorce, ask yourself if you are doing anything destructive to the relationship similar to the above.  If so, do whatever it takes to begin to make some changes.  Your marriage will definitely benefit if you do!

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Does Marriage Counseling Help?

Many couples reach a point in their marriage when they feel they are at an impasse. They may have tried to overcome a serious problem or crisis on their own, and realized over time that perhaps getting counseling for marriage problems they are experiencing is a better approach.  And while counseling won’t help every marriage, it does help many couples every day.  For some marriages, it has not only helped, it has kept the couple from ending up in divorce court.

So, how do you decide if marriage counseling is something you and your spouse should pursue?  You may be thinking that there is no way you want to air your dirty laundry in front of a total stranger, no matter how difficult things are now.  You may also be feeling that counseling for marriage is far too expensive.  This article will address these two frequent concerns and give you some things to consider if you are trying to decide whether to seek professional help for your situation.

I don’t want to talk to a stranger about our problems.

This is a common objection with which many people struggle when the idea of counseling for marriage is being considered.  What you need to realize is that one of the reasons marital therapy can be very helpful is because the therapist, as a stranger, is in a neutral and objective position. 

If you have tried to talk to or seek advice from family or friends, you have probably found that they are too close to the situation to be helpful.  They may have an emotional bias which makes it difficult to keep perspective about your situation.  This in turn will color any advice they may try to offer.  In some cases, talking to family members or close friends can make the situation even worse. 

This is one reason counseling for marriage can be very helpful.  Once you start developing a rapport with the therapist, you will likely appreciate how safe it actually feels to discuss your problems with someone who isn’t going to take sides and who can look at your situation from a fresh perspective.

Counseling is too expensive.

Therapy does cost money.  You are paying for a highly trained professional to provide a valuable service.  However, you need to consider how much more expensive getting a divorce will be.  For the cost of a divorce, not to mention all the pain and grief that often accompany it, counseling for marriage is usually much less expensive – in fact, often by thousands of dollars.  When you look at it like this you may reconsider the objection that you can’t afford it.  And there may be some options if finances are truly an issue.

In many cities there are clinics which offer counseling services for a reduced fee either based on income qualifications, or because the therapists are graduate students under supervision.  Also, you don’t necessarily have to go weekly.  You may be able to go every other week, which will make counseling for marriage more affordable for you as you reduce the overall monthly cost by spreading the appointments out a bit.

Both of these objections to counseling for marriage are very common.  You are not alone if they have crossed your mind.  But if your marriage has reached a crisis point hopefully you will carefully weigh the alternatives if you do not get some help.

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Save my marriage today

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